The other day I sensed God trying to teach me something, but rather than listen, evaluate, and quickly respond, I found myself squirming with defensiveness and rationalization.  It actually reminded me of when I was growing up. 

I had a great gift to earn the correction, but I also had a fantastic ability to try to avoid what I had earned.  I couldn't (wouldn't) stand still.  I would squirm, hop, and jerk hoping that the spoon would miss its target.  I would argue, cry, and complain, hoping to talk the enforcer out of their decision.  However, nothing worked.

No matter how hard I tried.  No matter how creative I got (and I tried all the tricks: extra layers of clothing, magazines down the pants, etc.), I always received what was coming to me. 

That is what I do spiritually when I choose to ignore the lessons God is trying to teach me.  Now, I know that in those moments, I am not being punished, but I still fight it just the same.  Even when He is trying to prepare me for a more fulfilling future, I still argue and complain.  And yes, I still squirm.

Laying before God in prayer, God speaks to me about my time commitments.  "Son, you are spending so much time on meaningless things.  I want you to find more time to serve."  With a quick jerk, I take the control back, stop listening, and start arguing.  "But God, do you understand how busy I am?  I don't have time to serve anyone." 

As I experience His voice leading me to pray for a person I just met in a store I throw out an unchoreographed yet very authentic expression trying to convince Him that I did not hear Him. 

While reading the Book, I sense conviction to forgive the person who has really offended me, yet I squirm.  With rationalization, I declare that I am not ready yet.  After all, how could I forgive them "after what they did?"

Extreme obedience dictates that I must not squirm.  As a Christian I have given the ownership, direction, and control of my life up to Christ, and that does not change when I become uneasy.

I have chosen to be a living sacrifice and that is not always easy.  It is often uncomfortable and inconvenient.  But, if I squirm when God speaks to me, that shows that I am taking control back. 

The other day I realized that I must become better at listening and not squirming.  No matter the command, I cannot move.  No matter how strong the conviction, I must ober.

My life is not my own, I am a living sacrifice and I invite His leading.

Do you?